| Author | Messages | |
newhunter - 
6-Pointer
Grandville,Michigan
 | | 02/15/2008 10:16 PM |
| My ex wife and I have been separated since 12/16/06. Sometimes my children seem to be handling it pretty good (I guess), and other times I can see the hurt in their eyes. Christopher is 7, Breanna is 6, and Madalynn is 4. I also have an 11 yr old daughter (Chastity) from a prior relationship who grew up with me being with Rachael (my ex-wife). Due to the divorce going as badly as it has the mother of my 11 yr old don't want her around Rachael, because of how one minute Rachael is in a good mood and the next she is trying to put me in jail and have my parenting time suspended. Now I know I wasn't the best of husbands,and our divorce is pretty much a mutual thing. I know that Rachael bashes the hell out of me to her friends and family, I know this because I've been told, not only by my children, but by some of Rachael's family members that I have come across in stores. I don't like seeing my children hurting I want all of them to be happy. I don't know what to do, Madalynn has cried herself to see while at my house, in the morning when I ask her why she was crying, she just says she misses mom and I being together, my other 3 children have said the same thing. Karenna (my girlfriend) and I have tried to explain to all 4 kids that mom and dad are better off this way and we didn't do this to hurt them,and that we still love each other just in a different way, it's just mom and dad couldn't get along. All we ever did was argue. I know thats not always the best way to tell a child, but I want to be honest. They remember hearing us argue. My kids have told me Rachael is doing alot of arguing with her boyfriend, hey her boyfriend has even called me asking how I dealt with her moods, I just laugh and tell him deal with it. I'm pretty much just asking for advice to be able to help my children though this.
Any advice given will be taken to heart and used to help my children heal.
Thank you and God bless,
Leon aka newhunter | |
      
 
| |
| tubby -
Record Book
Moundville,Alabama
| | 02/16/2008 4:08 PM |
| Bud,I really don't know what to say.....I would suggest checking out a counseling group or a pastor.I know divorce can be a rough road for an adult and children.
| |
Tubby
The God of My Rock;He Is My Sheild;And The Horn Of My Salvation 2 Samuuel,Ch 22 | |
| pizzaman17 -
4-Pointer
Brookville,Pa.
| | 02/16/2008 9:58 PM |
| | Leon, I have been divorced twice and I know it's not easy,But all I can say is don't stoop to Rachel's level and Bash her in front of your children. (even though you feel like it don't let them see it) They will realize over time when they see you and your girlfriend more and how well you get along and how happy you are together. Children are pretty resillient. over time they will see it was for the best. Also if you can try to talk to Rachel and see if the two of you can get along for the kids sake.whether You like it or not you will have to deal with each other until the kids are eighteen. Hang in there and good luck. | | | |
| pinetree -
4-Pointer
FAIRHOPE ALABAMA
| | 02/18/2008 9:33 AM |
| | been there ...i got the big d about 7 years ago.it was tuff but i see my kids every tuesday and every other weekend and when its my holiday..thats is a lot of it, spend good quality time with them and as much as you can..let them know its not there fault...it is mom and dads.....not just her nor just yours..it took me a while b4 i brought the girlfreind around but when i did my kids were happy for me and loved her...tyler my daughter was worried that i was all along at my house and i didn't have anyone to cook for me or take care of me..i had to let her know that dad can cook (pretty good) and that dad is a big boy and can take care of him self.. but when she came over she could help take care of dad... good luck ...and don't step down to her level.........write back if i can ever help.. | |
MIKE EVERETT | |
| Junior -
Button Buck
| | 02/19/2008 2:30 PM |
| | If you're looking for an easy way out, forget it. It's not going to be easy. Keep it real and be honest with the kids, time will heal all wounds. Seek God's assistance and he will see you through. | | | |
| busted -
Button Buck
| | 02/21/2008 11:51 AM |
| | I'm Not divorced, but am of divorced parents. The only advice I can lend is 'listen to your kids' and be there when they need you. It's real easy to fall into the 'out of sight, out of mind' rut. If your ex will allow, call everyday that you are not with them. Ask what happened in school, sports etc. especially to the young ones. At first they may think it's a little lame but over time they will realize that you love and care for them and know that you are there for them and sooner or later they will start to open up to you. Listen, offer advice if asked for it, but be involved in their lives. For God's sake, don't ever bad mouth your ex in front of your kids, no matter how mad you are. From personal experiences, nothing will cut the lines of communication faster, and cause future resentment. Hang tough and remember you are their father, but they need you as a DAD! Good Luck | | | |
| CornFed -
Button Buck
Smiths, Alabama
| | 02/21/2008 1:26 PM |
| Not divorced either but my parents did when me and my brother were young. The only thing I can say that now sticks out in my mind as a difference maker was that niether one ever bashed the other in front of us. They both stayed involved in our sports and activities etc. I know you cannot control your X and do not even try. My advice to you as Dad is to not bash your childrens mother, no matter what. They will remember and respect you for it as they get older. If you marry again be 100% sure your wife loves them as her own BUT is very clear with them that she is not replacing their mother and never speaks poorly of her. My dad has been passed away for 11 years now. We still spend holidays, vacatioins and visit his 2nd wife and her daughter to this day. She loves my kids just as a grandparent should. All of this said and this is the woman my dad left my mother for back in the late 80's !!
It's all in how you handle it and decide now how you want the rest of your life to be with your kids and family. | | | |
| Skullworks -
Button Buck
Prattville, Alabama
| | 02/21/2008 1:50 PM |
| | Well spoken from those that have been on the hard end of a divorce. | |
'Cuz deer huntin' ain't catch & release! | |
| pizzaman17 -
4-Pointer
Brookville,Pa.
| | 02/21/2008 11:15 PM |
| | busted and cornfed that is awesome advice very well said. | | | |
| Junior -
Button Buck
| | 02/22/2008 11:04 AM |
| Hmm...interesting. Mine must have been too realistic?  | | | |
| newhunter -
6-Pointer
Grandville,Michigan
| | 02/22/2008 4:02 PM |
| Posted By busted on 02/21/2008 11:51 AM
I'm Not divorced, but am of divorced parents. The only advice I can lend is 'listen to your kids' and be there when they need you. It's real easy to fall into the 'out of sight, out of mind' rut. If your ex will allow, call everyday that you are not with them. Ask what happened in school, sports etc. especially to the young ones. At first they may think it's a little lame but over time they will realize that you love and care for them and know that you are there for them and sooner or later they will start to open up to you. Listen, offer advice if asked for it, but be involved in their lives. For God's sake, don't ever bad mouth your ex in front of your kids, no matter how mad you are. From personal experiences, nothing will cut the lines of communication faster, and cause future resentment. Hang tough and remember you are their father, but they need you as a DAD! Good Luck
Posted By CornFed -
Not divorced either but my parents did when me and my brother were young. The only thing I can say that now sticks out in my mind as a difference maker was that niether one ever bashed the other in front of us. They both stayed involved in our sports and activities etc. I know you cannot control your X and do not even try. My advice to you as Dad is to not bash your children's mother, no matter what. They will remember and respect you for it as they get older. If you marry again be 100% sure your wife loves them as her own BUT is very clear with them that she is not replacing their mother and never speaks poorly of her. My dad has been passed away for 11 years now. We still spend holidays, vacations and visit his 2nd wife and her daughter to this day. She loves my kids just as a grandparent should. All of this said and this is the woman my dad left my mother for back in the late 80's !!
It's all in how you handle it and decide now how you want the rest of your life to be with your kids and family.
Thank you all for the replies and words of encouragement. I try to call my children as much as possible. Usually when I call and Rachael (mom) answers the phone tipicaly she starts in on me about money. At that point I usualy tell her to tell the kids I love them and tell them I said good night, and hang up.
I made a New Years resolution to stay calm while talking to Rachael and to be nice to her no matter what, so far I have stuck to it. I'm not doing it to get her angry, or make myself seem better than her. I'm trying to be a better person toward her for the children.
| |
| |
| PaulG -
Button Buck
| | 03/04/2008 1:37 PM |
| | I've been divorced, remarried now with a stepson (no children of my own), and my wife and I lead a divorce recovery support group. I HIGHLY recommend you look up http://www.divorcecare.org and do a search for a local DC4K group. It's DivorceCare for Kids, and it's a good faith-based divorce recovery group designed to help children whose parents are divorcing to deal with all of the emotional, mental, and spiritual upheavals that go on during and after divorce of their parents. | | | |
|
| | You are not authorized to post a reply. |
|
| |
|