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The Middle Wife
Last Post 23 Jan 2008 03:05 AM by bertman. 10 Replies.
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Camogirl
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24 Oct 2007 02:03 AM  

If you want an interesting perspective on life.. just ask a child..lol

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two
kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

 

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"
-Camo-
MelSue
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24 Oct 2007 02:10 AM  
Too Funny
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jkoehler
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24 Oct 2007 04:20 AM  
Now thats  funny
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droptine06
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25 Oct 2007 05:54 PM  
he he he he
Hillbilly Willy
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Conner Spohn
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29 Oct 2007 01:52 PM  
The little ones are the most precious thing on earth. God bless their innocence.  
secondchance
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29 Oct 2007 06:37 PM  
I love it.
John 316
mike
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10 Jan 2008 10:27 PM  
Thats one of the best jokes/stories i have ever heard.
newhunter
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13 Jan 2008 02:26 AM  
LMAO !!!!!!!!!!!

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mc6528
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17 Jan 2008 09:27 PM  
"From the mouths of babes"!
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Ralph Waldo Emerson
tubby
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18 Jan 2008 01:31 PM  
Don't those kids say the dangest things !That sure was funny
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bertman
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23 Jan 2008 03:05 AM  
thats a good one
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